You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize