bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
