Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
