He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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