I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
