I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
