I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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