farters have to be the big spoon...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
