the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
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He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
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No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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