I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
