it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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