its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
