I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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