Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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