I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
