This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i've created a new STD.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
