the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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