there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
