if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
