Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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