the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize