I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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