If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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