Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
