I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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