Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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