dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Drunk walkin through police station. America
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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