remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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