I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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