i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
