allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Everything about him screamed your future.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
