i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
