Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
