in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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