If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
