It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize