He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
