I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
