Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
