You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
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I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
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Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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