My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
