i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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