it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Found the puke drawer
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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