i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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