just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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