I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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