theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
