Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
