I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
