I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I cockslap morals
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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