I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
