cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
