mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
