i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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