you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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