She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize