yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
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you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
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Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize