Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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