so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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