That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
