trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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