Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
