i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
