flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
